WEEK 1 RECAP:
 Another season of fantasy football kicks off, and we have a week of very high scores right off the bat. Only two owners failed to break the 100-point barrier, and as was the case in several games last season, the top 2 point getters ended up playing each other. Fortunately for Nick, he was the higher point getter, as a huge day from Steve Smith and 20+ points from Tony "don't throw it to Revis" Romo gave him a win over hard-luck Tom. Tom got over 26 points from three different players (Drew Brees, Ray Rice, and Kenny Britt) but couldn't get enough from the rest of his roster to overcome Nick's strong performance. Nick is the year's first $20 winner. In other action, all eyes are on Dan T., as they will be every week as he pursues an unprecedented 4th straight championship. Dan started off with a win, as Tom Brady's historic Monday night performance (did anyone catch Ron Jaworski drop the "s-bomb" during the telecast?) led him to a win over Eddie, who's team had trouble getting on track this week. Speaking of getting on track, how about Mike Tolbert! Almost 100 yards and three TD's plus a combined 41 points from his receivers propelled Paul to a win over Marc, although Michael Vick did his best to ensure his owners would get a win. Dan L. is a Bears' fan, and Matt Forte must know it, as he put up over 21 points to help lead Dan to victory over Jeremie, Calvin Johnson, and Mark Sanchez. Uncle Joe got off on the right foot as Beanie Wells and Josh Freeman led him to a victory over Chris, who got a solid effort from LeSean McCoy in defeat. And finally, in the week's "battle of attrition," Mike and Kevin lost about 27 players to injury between them, but Wes Welker running 99 yards for the touchdown was enough to nab Mike the victory over Aaron Rogers and Kevin.

THIS WEEK'S $20 WINNER:
 Nick, 151.38 points

HIGHEST SCORING PLAYER:
 Tom Brady (Dan T.), 41.98 points

TOYOTA "ASS RAPING OF THE WEEK":
 What? Yahoo is no longer doing the "Toyota Blowout of the Week" or whatever it was called? Aw man. Well that just means more calculating for the already overworked Commish to do. This week, it's Paul beating Marc by 34.94.

SCORES:
 Nick- 151.38, Tom- 138.16
Paul-131.22, Marc- 96.28
Uncle Joe- 116.86, Chris- 105.4
Dan T.- 115.41, Eddie- 85.76
Mike- 120, Kevin- 101.28
Dan L.- 123.87, Jeremie- 110.7

STANDINGS (Records):
 1. Nick (1-0)
2. Paul (1-0)
3. Dan L. (1-0)
4. Mike (1-0)
5. Uncle Joe (1-0)
6. Dan T. (1-0)
7. Tom (0-1)
8. Jeremie (0-1)
9. Chris (0-1)
10. Kevin (0-1)
11. Marc (0-1)
12. Eddie (0-1)

STANDINGS (Points):
 1. Nick (151.38)
2. Tom (138.16)
3. Paul (131.22)
4. Dan L. (123.87)
5. Mike (120)
6. Uncle Joe (115.31)
7. Dan T. (115.41)
8. Jeremie (110.70)
9. Chris (105.40)
10. Kevin (101.28)
11. Marc (96.28)
12. Eddie (85.76)

THIS WEEK'S MATCHUPS:
 Nick (Purple People Eaters) v. Eddie (Full Hairy Jacket)
Paul (Strictly Business) vs. Dan T. (Inferno)
Chris (Wyld Stallyns) vs. Jeremie (Deez Nutz)
Mike (dcwarpath) vs. Tom (SD Spankfest)
Dan L. (Hebrew Hammer) vs. Kevin (Motor City Madman)
Uncle Joe (Mongrels) vs. Marc (Octomom's Pussy)

MATCHUP-OF-THE-WEEK:
 Paul vs. Dan T. Two of the league's titans with five championships and five points titles between them, and both opened the season with impressive victories. Will this be the week where Dan's quest for four straight titles gets temporarily derailed? Or will Tom Brady carry the day again?

LEAGUE NEWS & NOTES:
 -In a swap of handcuff running backs, Mike sent RB Karim Deji to Eddie for RB Ben Tate.
-There were a ton of injuries this week, so please make sure you look over your roster and make whatever moves are necessary.

THE “POOP LIST”
 No one makes the list. Mike will be spared because Justin Tuck was a gametime decision in an afternoon game, even though the chatter all week was that he was unlikely to play (he won though, so no harm done). Unsolicited advice from the Commish: aside from Patrick Willis and maybe Jon Beason when he's healthy, there's not a lot of defensive players that are worth holding onto if they're listed as questionable or worse. There's plenty of good tackling machines on the waiver wire so I'd cut them and pick up someone new.

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